I just returned from my walk on this gorgeous sunny day which feels like the first day of spring. Probably not the spring day you get…. nothing blooming, nothing green, as a matter of fact we still have snow, and LOTS of it. But the sun is shining so bright and so strong that the snow is melting and water is dripping off my roof. It feels so warm that even Bailey went out to do her business, and stayed out to sniff around and lay in the corner of the house to soak up some rays. It is so warm that the roads are slushy. I had to turn and glare at drivers as they go by to remind them slow down and stop spraying me with mud and water. But there is another thaw going on, I feel like it is spring in my soul.
I have been dealing with post traumatic stress after witnessing so many life-threatening events of Ken’s. I wrote about the very first cardiac arrest he experienced that lasted for seventeen minutes. That was just the beginning of a long nightmarish journey.
Ken has an AICD implanted in his chest, which stands for Automatic Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator. It scared the crap out of me for the first two years. You can sometimes see it, and even the wire where it turns towards his heart. I was scared to touch it or hug him for years.
Well, one night he was feeling terrible. Of course we had company, who had just gone to bed. I didn’t want to disturb anyone, so I left a note saying I took Ken to the hospital. No sooner did we walk into emergency when his defibrillator fired him a shock. He was on the ground. It is horrible to witness someone getting a shock who is fully conscious. His heart was so erratic, that nothing could be done for him here, so they called for a plane to medi-vac him to Edmonton.
The transport did not happen until the next morning, and all night long he endured shock after shock – I counted forty. We call that the “night of the electrical storm.” Needless to say it traumatized us both. He would not let me even touch him. How do you stand beside someone you love and witness their torture. I could see the look in his eyes were just wishing to die rather than endure this.
That is just one event that I have picked up the pieces afterwards and tried to carry on as normal as best I could. But after each event, after each emergency flight out, it was as if another layer was stripped from me, and although I looked like an egg, I had no shell, just a thin membrane barely holding things together.
The last event that occurred three years ago was my breaking point. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms began to affect me physically. I got extremely sick for six months, my adrenal system was shot because it had locked in to the "fight or flight" mode for about nine months. My hair was falling out in patches leaving little bald spots. I could no longer pick up the pieces and pretend to resume life as normal. It took me two years to accept that I had been catapulted to a new land and I had to figure out how to adjust to this new culture and new language.
One of the greatest gifts I was given was a friend whose name is Robyn. She was the Psychologist at the Heart Transplant Unit, and she listened to me, and with "Talk Therapy" I began to heal. She helped me find my way in this foreign land and was my translator until I learned to speak myself.
Another great gift I have found is a group of people who are so precious and rare – they are my Gold Friends. We came together with the common goal to learn marketing and business on the internet. In the process we found more, I would even venture to say we found “soul-mates.”
So after a Group Call today, as I went for my walk on this (ahem) first day of spring – I realized that more than the snow was melting. Once again after another winter season, life is stirring and spring has sprung.
Should I get really soppy? Oh alright, it made me think of the words to a song:
When the night has been too lonely
And the road too long
When you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed, that with the sun’s love
In the Spring becomes… the Rose!
Stress is blindsiding our nation. Tell me, what is helping you to cope or has helped you deal with stress, trauma or your emotional winter? For me it was Talk Therapy. I would love to know, please share in the comments section below.
Elvie Look: Your Professional Organizing Coach who is helping people get organized with her easy tips and suggestions. These systems help the busy mom, businessman or woman, entrepreneur or student learn the keys to organizing in simple, actionable and manageable steps. She teaches how to get organized and maintain your organized space while carrying on your normal busy life. She is the author of "21 Steps From Chaos To Calm.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Elvie… I burst into tears reading your story! I can feel as if I were walking in your shoes… all the emotions you faced and the results… ultimately ptsd. You described it to a “T” what it feels like to witness ongoing trauma. I have gone through similar pain and it remains ongoing to a certain degree… you’re right about the layers and the need to thaw from the “tough girl” you have to be to endure the stress. As for coping… dancing in worship and writing my story is the best “thaw” I’ve experienced so far…. and yesterday, I was chatting with a friend from our class and without knowing me well, she said to me, “You have to write your story!” In sharing our stories, we find we are not alone… and we are helped, even as we are helping others to not only survive, but to thrive. Thanks for sharing your story, Elvie!
Thanks for sharing this Elvie…For me, I have learned it is a matter of having mastered the ultimate level of trust. That no matter what happens if it is too much for me at the time, I let go and let GOD take over. He has proven to me more times than I can count that I WILL ALWAYS BE OKAY. It may not always be what I want in this physical life…but knowing that all will be well in the grand scheme of things comforts me. I do what I CAN do and let go of the rest. This is especially important and helpful when it has to do with my children. Blessings~
I knew this would resonate with you Susan. Perhaps blogging was part of the healing for me, talking about what I went through a little at a time with someone other than Robyn. It is hard to do, but if it helps someone else know they are not alone, even one person, then that makes it so worthwhile. I will look forward to your story! Who knows, maybe one day I will write mine. I tried to forget it, so we’ll see what comes back. Thank you so much, your words truly encourage me!
That is something I have to master yet…. to let go, place my burden on God’s lap and “not take it back.” Sometimes I can do it, and then I get a great sleep, but I certainly have not mastered it and I admire you for that. I think when you do, your peace really shows. I will keep working on that, thank you for reminding me!!
I can’t even imagine how stressful that must have been for both of you, and so hard to ‘let go’ and just roll with it, even though we know (intellectually) that’s really the only choice we have. I’ve challenged myself with lifelong stress (until relatively recently), and had the adrenal fatigue as well. I’m finding it’s a choice, every single day, and that being here, away from the city, has helped tremendously. Over the years, I’ve used a variety of things to help alleviate the stress without pushing it down: first, it was talk therapy and EMDR (which had a HUGE impact), then reiki, meridian tapping (EFT), aromatherapy, Brain Gym, running, meditation, yoga… the whole nine yards. Now, I find the tapping and Brain Gym, along with those gorgeous essential oils and magnesium supplementation, makes all the difference in the world. Thanks for sharing this with us, Elvie – we’re all learning as we go, aren’t we?
Thank you for sharing your story. You have weathered the storm and come through to the other side…HURRAY for you! Also wanted to tell you about an amazing testimonial I heard on a training call the other day about a man who after being told by his doctors that his heart would never regenerate after his heart attack, now has full function of it. The only thing he added was healthy chocolate, and mild exercise. If you would like to speak to him, let me know and I will get his name and number for you! Make it an incredible day!
Oh Elvie! I think you must be a far more wise & strong woman than I am. I once had a 12-year old student who had just been diagnosed with a similar condition- where he’d go into cardiac arrest at random. He also had some sort of an implant installed, but there were difficulties in getting it to operate correctly. I watched this little guy change from a confident, happy kid to a stressed-out nervous wreck by the end of the year. I wonder how he’s doing now. Denny’s comment on Trust sounds right, but how do you get there?
Elvie, Thank you for being transparent in sharing your story. The more I read from our special group of GOLDS, I know in my heart that God has put us all together to love and support each other and help us all tell our stories so that we can reach out to others. You have such a wonderful way of sharing your thoughts and emotions and touching so many others in such a loving way….Can’t wait to keep reading more, my friend!
It’s hard to bare your soul, but not so with true friends. I value our friendship and am so happy we are in this class together. Thanks for your friendship!
We are still trying to figure that out. It is like living with a grenade that the pin has been pulled. I really hope that little guy is ok. I find that I got the therapy so I could be Ken’s therapist. Guys don’t like to ask for help – so I find myself playing roles of wife, nurse, psychologist and friend. But I am more open about it now and as hard as that is, it does help. Thanks Lilly!!
Thank you so much Elvie for opening your heart with us here on your blog. You are a HERO and have fought the faith. God loves both of you so much; He is always with you and among you. I read this as a testimony but also as a love story between you and your husband. I would recommend to watch to the 700 club; they have awesome testimonies and will bring great faith in your heart plus they are so comforting. God is not a respecter of person, what He does for others, He will do for you.When I am under work-stress I take a moment to sit in the presence of God and remind myself to trust in Him; He is my comforter and my strength. Thank you so much for sharing this Elvie
Elvie,
You are so upbeat and positive. You have to be strong to deal with such trauma and come out of it with such a beautiful spirit. Thanks for sharing your heart. It’s healing for all of us.
Connie
Elvie you are such a strong woman. Thank you for sharing your trials and courage.
Elvie, you have sharing your inner feeling and how you have cope with it. It is a lesson to learn for me and others from your sharing. Things happen for a reason and whatever happens can be used to help others.
Sometimes life have to go and believing that all will be okay is the key to have a good life. Ken will be already and stronger than before. With your strength and energy … all will be okay. Thank you for sharing
Many of us have experienced emotional stress and trauma in our lives. No one can understand exactly what you are going through unless they experience it themselves. Yet every experience effects us differently because we are all different. What is especially hard is when you are dealing with the stress of watching someone you love dearly go through their trauma as you have. I have personally witnessed the passing of 2 family members from cardiac failure. One as recently as last year. While the pain and loss still reside in my heart, I have been able to find a silver lining and something good that has come from it. I started by finding something small to be grateful for. Gratitude is the seed and with the Son’s love it will eventually turn into “The Rose”. “When you change the way you look at things… the things you look at begin to change.” Blessings to you Elvie!
Oh Elvie, thanks for sharing your story. And by you writing this, is allowing others acknowledge the stress in their own lives…..
Life goes on…as long as you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok…it’s not the end. You’ll never know just how much strength you can find until it is needed.
Life goes on…as long as you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok…it’s not the end. You’ll never know just how much strength you can find until it is needed.
Elvie – thank you for sharing your experiences and the solution you found, it helps so much to get clear and put the inner peace above all the rest. Stress is the number one reason, people loose their health and life…there are many sources for stress to happen, and there are many ways out too, it’s good that you found yours my friend.
Thanks for that post Elvie, it’s a good reminder that life is full of ups and downs and we owe it to ourself to grow through the challenges. One of my favourite ways of coping with stress is actually working out and keeping fit. I find that it is very therapeutic whenever I need to bounce back.
It is amazing how being organized bleeds out to order in other parts of your life!
Hi, I also have an AICD , Althogh I have never had an episode since it was fitted three years ago I do understand what you both would have gone through, I do also walk everyday in the English countyside for excercise and enjoy seeing that experience of the changing seasons and thank God I’m still here to enjoy the wonders of life , no matter how small
Stephen Cole (facebook friend)
Thank you so much for introducing yourself, it is a pleasure to meet you! After that horrible night, Ken just wanted to die and was so angry he had this torture tool inside of him. But he has changed now, as he realized it saved his life and he has lived with it for 11 years now. If you would like to talk to him, I know he would appreciate connecting. His facebook site is http://www.facebook.com/campingken Thanks for stopping by!
What helped me cope with stress during my treatment for breast cancer 2 years ago was Bible Scriptures. I lived in Scripture, memorizing verses that calmed and strengthened me. I still use Scriptures to cope with any kind of stress.
I have read your story twice, & we are currently living with it. Only my husband had a car accident 8 months ago & almost didnt make it. He has a tramatic brain injury, memory issues also, many other injuries, & is in so much pain every day that some days he barely gets off the sofa or bed. Our lives are so different, our finances will hopefully be okay, we are still working on that. I feel his depression started the day the neuro said you wont be able to work again. That broke hubbys heart. Love? whats that, it isnt coming from him to me. I’ve tried to find support groups, no luck so far. He does see a physcholigist, but he no longer tells me what they talk about. How did our lives become so cold & uncaring? Sorry to vent here, but I think you can understand our life better than most of our friends. They think everything is ok because it has been 8 months & to others he almost appears like his old self. But neither of us are. Yes I have faith in God- he kept him alive. My hubby is a miracle man thanks to God. He was by my side & still is, but there are times when sadness takes over.
Wow- you need a hug and to know I do have a very good idea. As a matter of fact, it isn’t over for us either. Ken’s heart stopped “again” this summer, and we are on that road again. Only we have travelled it so much, we know where we are going and what to bring along. Meaning, it is our normal now. But his short term memory is non-existent practically, and I continually have to give him the will to carry on. He has not been working for 15+ years now. At first he was always feeling very sorry for himself, and it was many years before he started to work around the house instead to help me out.
My sister was just in a terrible accident this summer also, and is going through what your hubby is right now. She is in constant pain and wished she just died. I would like to go and help her out, but my hands are full with Ken, so I leave it to her kids. They call me to cry on my shoulder as they know I understand.
It helps talking to someone, just to vent, and not be judged. You found her! Email me and we can connect more privately. Hugs